Yesterday! Isn't that when I brought him home? Wasn't that the day I changed that first diaper? Fed him the first time? Nursed him?
I nursed him for the last time yesterday, which made me almost cry. I want to totally wean him, I do. But at the same time, it breaks my heart. He cried, he said please, he kissed me - all in an effort to nurse. I feel bad, like a bad bad mommy, but at the same time, I am so sick of interrupted nights. Not sleeping through the night for 2 years gets so old... and tiring.
I got 2 years in, I have to focus on how proud I am of that. And it's not that big of a change (I tell myself...) because he still worms his way into our bed (voldemort says "he's just ababy") and he sucks on my hair and the hair of his ponies for comfort. He still gets as many cuddles during the day as he wants, he gets 'big boy' milk and 'big boy' juice. He drinks water from a cup with a straw like a big boy, and I tell him, "Big boys don't 'nuu.'" and "No more nuu when you're 2." which rhymes and is a deadline that he's been aware of for months. He's a big enough boy, and while he'll always be my baby, I can't stand getting woken up 3 times a night to nurse a two year old, and experts say if it's not fun for either of us, we should stop.
Why do I feel so bad? Because I could've gone with child-led weaning? Because I'll miss it since he's my last one? Because I feel like a wicked witch when I tell him 'no' and stick to my guns about our deadline?
Yes.
But after 2 years, I can taste the freedom. The small steps towards getting my marital bed back (When you're 3, there's no more sleeping with me) and sleeping through the night without being woken up by a tiny voice, "Momma, 'kup (wake up). Nuu? (nurse) Peeze (please)?" I can experience other forms of comfort bonding with him like reading, singing, or playing more. I can be a wife a little more often than a mommy (double edged sword, I guess, since I love both roles...) and I can watch him grow, inch by inch, milestone by milestone...
And he's standing up as ring bearer in a wedding tomorrow afternoon for my SIL (CC) and is going to look sooo smashing in his little suit. He'll look the part of a big boy...
Hopefully posting pics in the nxt few days! God bless~
This is kind of funny. I have noticed on the home page I'm the ony one blogging around here anymore!
I mean, there are a couple people between my blog entries and all, but it's not exactly the booming blog it once was! I can't think of why that is. I know there are a lot of homeschoolers out there, I think this site is pretty user friendly, has almost no glitches (none I've found anyhow) and is a great place to document your curriculum, your progress, vent frustration and brag about accomplishments.
On the surface, it seems like a fine idea. Let's (please, DO!) reward the good teachers, but how on earth is the government going to define "GOOD"? Does the government think it's doing a 'good' job on things like the economy? Every dollar they've spent 'stimulating' the economy has done no good whatsoever. Instead of all that money, those BILLIONS of dollars being distributed to the public, they gave it to AIG, and Ford, who are now considering bankruptcy! Forgive me if I question the definition of "good" with the current administration.
But please, if the current school systems aren't succeeding where all of the homeschooling families are, what makes the government think a longer day and longer school year will benefit the youth of America? Think of it like this: Say we have 2 farmers. Farmer A plants on schedule every year, does the same thing year after year, and produces a mediocre crop. Farmer B plants when the weather turns favorable, tries different fertilization techniques to find what works, and produces a good crop. Lengthening school days and the school year is like telling Farmer A to plant earlier and harvest later. Nothing regarding the child, learning environment, or climate (if you will) is taken into account. If you were to say to Farmer B to do the same thing, I hope Farmer B would question and fight the impositions.
If the public school has tougher restrictions on their school day and school year, it's not going to be long before they're knocking on our doors pleading for us to show longer hours and more school days as homeschoolers.
Another question I have for this article's author is, "Where will the money come from for such a reform?" I have family members who are quitting smoking cold turkey because the cost of cigarettes has gone to $5/pack and will increase to almost $9/pack by the summer. No one can afford that. The taxes will create a vicious circle. People taxed on alchohol and tobacco will quit those (albeit bad) habits, so the revenue the government assumed will be less than figured. Thus, the tax on things like food, gas, housing, income, or something else will be raised to compensate for the revenue loss from alchohol and tobacco taxes. I cannot believe the taxes on the rich is almost half their income! I'd stop working, or evade taxes if I were rich. I'd move out of the country or something. I wish I COULD move out of the country...
It is hard to come to terms with loss, especially when it so closely follows that very same gain.
My Great Aunt was just moved to a nursing home, not 5 minutes from where I'm at, after spending her whole life in Florida. She was moved to be closer to family. She arrived on the 11th, and I visited her every day. She got sick last week. It started with her being 'out of it' on Wednesday. She was not herself. I thought perhaps she was on some medicine that made her tired, or that perhaps she wasn't as sharp witted as I thought when she claimed she was always up early. (She could've just been tired.) The next morning, I got the call she was moved to Emergency at the hospital. She had a blood infection and a UTI.
NBD, right? You would think...
She had a heart attack yesterday and they sent her up to the ICU. Now there's talk of her dying in the next 12-24 hours (less, since I'm up at almost 2am - YOU try getting sleep with this kind of news!).
I don't want her to go! She just flippin' got here! It's not fair! I didn't get enough time with her! She turned 88 today (yep, today, not yesterday which was a couple hours ago, it's her birthday right now). Of all days, I don't want her dying on her birthday! That's just not funny. I wanted to hear more of her stories, more of her life. She lived through Hitler's Germany as a German, she had wonderful stories to tell. I never got the stories out of her, because our visiting times were so far apart.
You would think we'd have written - nope. Her hands have been arthritic since I was like 5. She hasn't written legibly in decades.
Calling her? With the terrible reception in FL, it wasn't worth it. That and she's needed a hearing aid since before I could afford a phone of my own!
Okay, I could've called her more while she was in FL, but by the time I got my free minutes after 9, she was usually already in bed. I'm poor, we've established that in other blog entries, so we know I can't afford the long distance charges or premium minutes.
Anyhow, I really feel ripped off. I feel cheated by God, and she's not even gone yet. I really hope she pulls through because if she doesn't, I am going to have a crisis of faith like I haven't had in decades. (as in, "What kind of sick God gives you a chance to make an old lady smile, a child blossom in her artwork, and a baby start giving out kisses, then rips the old lady out of the picture, crushes the sensitive artist, and never lets the old lady get a sloppy toddler kiss in her golden years?!?" Not to mention the whole "I really wanted to spend time with her, I thought that's why You allowed her to move back to us. Couldn't You have given us more time with her?!? You're going to be that mean?" and, "Don't take her from us!")
Grieving sucks. I hope I don't have to do more of it. I pray I wake up in the morning and hear that she's breathing on her own again, talking, and aching to go home where she's not poked and prodded every 10 minutes. I hope she can eat some birthday cake and read her cards. I hope she can watch us enjoy being with her for hopefully another year or more... I hope she lives so long she's sick of me visiting her every day! (I promised her 'I'd visit so often she'd be sick of me' the first day she got here. Don't let me leave that unfulfilled!!)
