My baby turned 2 yesterday.

Yesterday! Isn't that when I brought him home? Wasn't that the day I changed that first diaper? Fed him the first time?  Nursed him?

I nursed him for the last time yesterday, which made me almost cry.  I want to totally wean him, I do.  But at the same time, it breaks my heart.  He cried, he said please, he kissed me - all in an effort to nurse.  I feel bad, like a bad bad mommy, but at the same time, I am so sick of interrupted nights.  Not sleeping through the night for 2 years gets so old... and tiring.

I got 2 years in, I have to focus on how proud I am of that.  And it's not that big of a change (I tell myself...) because he still worms his way into our bed (voldemort says "he's just a baby") and he sucks on my hair and the hair of his ponies for comfort.  He still gets as many cuddles during the day as he wants, he gets 'big boy' milk and 'big boy' juice.  He drinks water from a cup with a straw like a big boy, and I tell him, "Big boys don't 'nuu.'" and "No more nuu when you're 2." which rhymes and is a deadline that he's been aware of for months.  He's a big enough boy, and while he'll always be my baby, I can't stand getting woken up 3 times a night to nurse a two year old, and experts say if it's not fun for either of us, we should stop.

Why do I feel so bad? Because I could've gone with child-led weaning? Because I'll miss it since he's my last one? Because I feel like a wicked witch when I tell him 'no' and stick to my guns about our deadline?

Yes.

But after 2 years, I can taste the freedom.  The small steps towards getting my marital bed back (When you're 3, there's no more sleeping with me) and sleeping through the night without being woken up by a tiny voice, "Momma, 'kup (wake up). Nuu? (nurse) Peeze (please)?"  I can experience other forms of comfort bonding with him like reading, singing, or playing more.  I can be a wife a little more often than a mommy (double edged sword, I guess, since I love both roles...) and I can watch him grow, inch by inch, milestone by milestone...

And he's standing up as ring bearer in a wedding tomorrow afternoon for my SIL (CC) and is going to look sooo smashing in his little suit.  He'll look the part of a big boy...

Hopefully posting pics in the nxt few days! God bless~