I'm going to lead with this: I recognize my feelings are hurt by this gesture.  I realize child-free receptions are the norm and more and more people are doing that these days.  I have a set of sibling-in-laws who got married and had the reception without kids and was not insulted at all, since the relationship line there was never really clear anyhow, and while I know they love our children, they are barely considered relatives in our "family tree". (Husband's stepbrother's wedding - no blood relation whatsoever. No diseases or genetic conditions these people had would ever effect our family history for our children, you see?)  I have also attended a friend's wedding without the children and was not insulted, nor were my feelings hurt.

I am going to attempt to convey to you the force of which this hit me personally, and hope that in reading this, you not only see where I come from, but maybe it helps someone out there deal with the same sort of thing.  Perhaps you're planning a wedding of your own and are considering a child free wedding or reception or both.  Maybe your mind will be changed in some small, compromising way.

I have 2 brothers.  They are both younger than I am.  The one I am 'complaining' about is the one 2 years my junior.  I will call him Eric, in keeping with the anonymity of things.  Eric and I were close as children.  We were good friends, we were usually the ones allied against our youngest brother (umm... Aiden).  We defended eachother on the playground, we played games together as children.  As teens, we covered for eachother's mischief when we could.  It was an unpoken rule we just kept things quiet and never tattled on eachother.  I moved out of the house at 19, he moved out of the house at (I think) 25.  He bought a house, I was renting an apartment.  I got married, his girlfriend was my maid of honor.  It was a small wedding, Aiden was the DJ!  Eric was thrilled that his gf was in the wedding and he got to dance with her in a beautiful dress. He also helped with videography and photography.  I thought he was properly involved given our wedding budget.  Had I been more willing to break from traditional roles, I would've had HIM be my "dude" of honor.

He broke up with his girlfriend almost 2 yrs later. Well, she dumped him - he cheated on her with his now wife.

He told everyone his new girlfriend - now wife - was only living with him because her father kicked her out.  It was temporary.

Three years later, they sell the house and move to FL, in an apartment.

Two and a half years after that, they call to tell me they're engaged.

Eleven days after that, I found out they weren't engaged that day, they were MARRIED at the courthouse.

I cannot begin to convey the shock I felt.  I was insulted by not being involved in any part of anything.  I would've liked that first call to be honest. A "We got hitched" type of phone call.  I could've handled that much better than the deception I encountered.  My heart was broken.

Now, they are using "my" pastor to officiate the ceremony. (and let's face it, dear readers, we know I am often at odds with her on some levels, but I love her like an aunt) The "wedding" is in October.  (please, please, I NEED to put "wedding" in quotes like that because they're already married.  They had a courthouse wedding.  This is a facade, a farce, a clever trick to get money and gifts out of friends and family as a reward for their elopement. I know because it's something I would've done had I known it could have been done.)

The "wedding" itself is at a PARK. Like a CITY PARK, in the middle of the public eye, where Joe Schmoe can be fishing in the lake in the background of all the wedding pictures, and his dog can be peeing on the bride's dress. (ooh, I hope that happens!) ... (no I don't, that crosses the line into evil thinking again. I promised I wouldn't).

The reception is 2 hours later at some sort of hall or something.  There will be drinking there and everyone knows we don't drink.  I realize he might be trying to shield my children from Drunk Uncle Eric, but I firmly believe that between our parents and ourselves, if he can't keep from drinking for a couple of hours, he's got bigger problems than worrying about hurting my feelings over this - he's got a drinking problem if that's what's up!

Bottom line? I am the parent.  IF I take my children to the reception, I will decide if there is too much drinking going on for their saftey or for their innocence, or the (what I call) therapy price.  If I decide it's too much, we will ALL leave.

I also don't understand.  I am 30-(mumbling, trailing off) years old. I don't party.  I wouldn't stay past the dinner and cake anyhow. (I mean, have u seen my picture? ME give up CAKE? LOL) Why does anyone assume I would stay really late or be missing out by not drinking?  Why doesn't my brother trust me enough to know I would rather die than let the kids ruin any event of this magnitude?

Not only that, but the kids can go to the wedding, they're invited.  BUT they can't go to the reception?!?  So they sit quietly for an hour or more, and Uncle Eric denies them FOOD?  My kids are so easy! Food is a HUGE reward for them, and CAKE?!? Are you kidding me?  They'd do just about anything for a piece of cake.  Why do you think I ever learned to cook and bake?!?! For FUN?! HA! I use it as a barganing chip! (eg: If you guys behave at the store, I will make chocolate chip cookies when we get home!)

If it's the cost, I am more than happy to cover the extra plates in the money gift. (not that even a money gift is necessary as they eloped, IMHO)

My parents were shocked, Aiden and his wife were horrified, my sister Maggie was so insulted she's considering not attending.  My (actually OUR) Dad decided that if Eric puts his foot down and won't let the kids go to the reception, HE'LL stay at home and watch them during the reception, missing his OWN SON'S wedding celebration.

Yeah, my Dad is awesome, I am so proud of him.  I am honored by the gesture and am humbled by gravity of it.  I have never been more proud of being his daughter.  Words can't convey it.  It's that huge.

I decided I am bringing the children to the reception.  Not only would I never let my Dad miss this event or celebration, but I believe I am in the right in doing so.

Fact: my kids are the only niece and nephew my siblings have.

Fact: both my brothers live in different states and will be here for only a few days. I don't see them very often.

Fact: Aiden wants to spend some time with the kids and he's coming from FL. (Eric now lives in NV.)

Fact: Uncle Eric used to be Diana's favorite uncle.  (I know she still loves him. How much time does Eric think he'll have to spend with us anyhow? Shoo us away from the party? I don't think so!)

Fact: Mom, Dad, Maggie, Aiden and his wife all agree that if the kids aren't going to the reception, or if Eric has a fit, they will all leave or not attend the reception at all.

I have the family's support.  It's hurting Mom that Eric and I are at odds here, since we used to be so close.  I told Mom that I LOVE Eric and would do almost anything for him.  He's my BROTHER! (Personally, I think it's his wife's doing, and she's the one he has to live with so he's trying to make her happy, but by that same token I wish he'd man up and put his foot down because FAMILY should come first.)

(argueably family includes his new wife for him, but I wouldn't want to be married to anyone without family values, who would "make" you not invite your only niece and nephew, you know?)

I'm so at odds over this.  I am taking the kids, but am wondering (after asking Yahoo answers) if I am making the right choice.  A majority of the public thinks that if he doesn't want the kids there, he has the right to ask that of me.  I argue that he's already had his selfish wedding when he eloped, this was supposed to be for the FAMILY to celebrate.  Why leave important family members out of that? It doesn't make sense.

Uncle Eric making funny faces at his nephew at Baby's 1st Birthday party.

I have to go, my wrist hurts today :(