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    Racism

    Friday, July 27, 2007, 09:36 PM EST [General]

    I've got a problem.  I wasn't aware of it until recently when DD and I were walking around the neighborhood and passed a black man with his obviously bi-racial children (adorable babies, IMHO!) DD waits a while, till they're out of earshot (thank goodness!) and says, bluntly:

    "That's not right."

    I look at her, confused, and ask, "What's not right?"

    "Your kids should be the same color as you. You should only marry people with the same skin color as you have."

    (thinking to self) "Woah, where the HELLo Kitty did THAT come from?!?"  (saying aloud) "Well, God likes all different colors, and I think that it makes God happy when people of different colors get together to make new ones." (See, we're raising her with Buddhist and Christian faith - just pointing that out, LOL - there was nothing in my Buddhist philosophy I could pull out fast enough!)

    DD, "I still think it's wrong.  I'm marrying a light skinned person like me.  I don't like dark skin."

    Holy COW!

     We're not a racist family, BTW.  No one here thinks kindly of the KKK or their philosophies.  We are not white supremacists or anything like that.  We don't use racial slurs, we don't avoid people of different colors - in fact, my good friend from church is the mother of a bi-racial child!  I don't care what color you are as long as you're not a jerk!!!!!

    I don't know what went wrong!  We live in a diverse area of the city - there is a pretty even split around here, and there's a lot of (I wanna say 'blended families' but I know that's not right...) (colorful sounds like they're bad... ) (mixed?) families around - black/white, hispanic/white, asian/indian, etc.  In other words, there are a LOT of biracial children running around these parts!  Where did my child pick this up?  It's not like she's in school witnessing the racial tensions between the kids or adults...  I don't know.

    I spoke with her about her feelings.  I also asked guidance from my friend with the biracial child.  She backs me up on this issue.  I told DD that it was okay to have her own feelings about who she wanted to marry.  She's even got the right to feel that mixing colors is wrong.  She's not allowed to make anyone feel bad for making a different choice than she would, and especially not allowed to exclude anyone for not being her same color.  I told her it's not anyone's fault what color they're born as, and we're all the same on the inside.

    She gets it - I hope...

    I hope.

    4 (1 Ratings)
    [ 5 comments ] Leave a Comment

    Talk to her about a rainbow and how dull it would be if there was only 1 color. The beauty of a rainbow is all the colors together. And that is the way it should be in the world too. If there was only one color we would all just be so dull. Also, let her know that you are both white but not the same color white. You could be darker or lighter than she is but that doesn't make you "the same 'color'".



    I think bi-racial babies are the most beautiful babies. Not saying my own children aren't as beautiful but bi-racial babies have something special about them that just think it so beautiful.



    Hope all gets better and you can have her thinking different soon.

    Gretchen Plain and Tall
    July 27, 2007
    07:50 PM EST

    First, take a deep breath. It's not really about what you are doing in your family, it's more about how racist our society is and people do not even realize! It's something we all need to be combating all the time. Make a conscious effort to introduce more ethnic people, cultures, foods, ideas into her life. Just expose her to more and let her get comfortable with it. While you are right that she can choose to marry whoever she likes and if she is attracted to white men that is A-OK! But it's not ok to believe it's wrong for others to choose differently, as you said.



    This is not an issue that will go away. Speaking as a white woman married to a black man with three bi-racial kiddos. Racism runs so deep and so incognito in this country most of us can't even see it any more. It no longer has the outright, in your face ugliness of the past. It takes a quieter, but just as sinister path these days.



    Kudos to you for addressing it, and being concerned about it. Keep up the good fight! :-)

    Becky
    July 27, 2007
    09:57 PM EST

    I gotta tell ya, I know the pain.....

    But I think I figured out where I went wrong, and this may work for you...

    My kids, who are 7 and 4 years of age, freaked me out, at church one day, when they made sure that everyone could hear them ask, "Hey mom! What's with all the black skinned people, now?"

    (JAW HITS FLOOR)

    "WHAAAT?", I asked.

    In a smart-alec tone, that they picked up from two HS friends that I do not like... my four year old replied, "What, is it a dark skin convention or sumthing?" I swear to God I nearly died.

    We had a T-A-L-K.

    In a UN-similar situation, the children spotted the same man, twice at Home Depot, in the same visit, mind you... As he walked past, one twin said to the man, "What? Are you following us or something?"

    THIS is what they were doing.. they weren't being "Racists", they were pointing out something that they noticed in a way they picked up (Albeit inappropriate) from their friends. (Yes, even homeschooled friends can be too much to take).

    So, we had to talk. I know that I don't go around making racial slurs and comments. What I did not think of was that I had not sat down with them and discussed WHAT I thought of other races and tollerence. HOW I felt about how we should all get along and WHEN it was appropriate to ask such questions.

    That is what may be missing, in your situation. It is not that you made her react that way, but that you never mentioned that it was unacceptable to you. (If it is)

    Just like, I do not rob banks, and I don't want my kids to do so. So why should they? But if I never make a point to mention it at least once, that it is not acceptable to me, then I should not be surprised, when in place of that vacuume of information, they fill in the gap of information with their own idea of it, completely free of any input from me.

    Just an opinion, but we need to be sure their are no vaccuumes of information, because kids will fill the holes themselves. Good, Bad or indifferent. Get their first.

    Good luck to ya! Goodness knows I need some, too! hahaha!

    Jennifer
    July 27, 2007
    11:29 PM EST

    Sadly she must have heard someone talking about this. Maybe a friend? My FIL is such a jerk, he is always trying to put down others that aren't white. My kids and I ignore him, then when he walks away they say he is just really stupid. LOL They know it is just crap out of his mouth and really don't pay any attention to him.

    Jodi
    July 29, 2007
    07:34 AM EST

    Holy cow is right. I don't even know what I would do at all but I sure wish you luck! That's a tough situation but one that any one of us could easily be in.

    Kelley
    July 30, 2007
    10:54 AM EST